So I’ve finally found a bit of strength and got to looking at some of my Melanies files on her laptop and found a beautiful poem she wrote about Jim Cronin from Monkey World which I’ll make another special post for. However the opening line of “there once was a dream” made me think about something I’ve been involved in for the past 6 months namely Scottish Games Week which kicks off on Monday.

Why is this even relevant you ask well SGW is the brainchild of the one and only Brian Baglow (or the brian child of Brain Baglow who knows). Brian’s a friend and his dream of making our amazing Scottish games industry stand up and be noticed as the amazing creative industry it is by the world is getting there. SGW is his way of showcasing what we have to offer and he roped in his friends to help him make it happen. His passion and energy and hard work to make this happen (with a few nudges and telling offs from his merry band Friday lunches wont be the same without our group Zoom calls) are what’s going to make next week so amazing. Although Monday/Tuesdays events are sold out there are still a few tickets for the industry conference on Thursday/Friday left and if you use this link you can get a special discount on them.

https://www.citizenticket.co.uk/events/scottish-games-week/scottish-games-week-industry-conference/?code=SGW/IC2022

So thank you Mr B for being you and pushing on championing Scottish Games. Next week is going to be EPIC thanks to you and your vision. I can’t wait to start planning next years after you’ve had a wee break. You inspire me to want to ensure that I make the education network for games the best it can be so we can make everything games in Scotland pure dead brilliant.

I’m not the best person probably to give advice but I’ll share anyway.  I recently stumbled on something 14-year-old me said that well they wanted to be a nursery teacher yup I said that out loud for the world on Radio – well West of Scotland to hear at one point (if you know you know, if you don’t, ask and I may share).

Point is I wanted to be a nursery teacher and then got told at some point in school nah you should aim higher as you are too brainy for that sort of job.  I went into 5^th year not knowing then what I should do and well grasped at straws during 6^th year, then when UCAS time came around (yes kids UCAS was around then and at that time cost £15) I was thrown into well what are you applying for and why aren’t you going to Uni open days so I clung to the only thing I enjoyed – Maths and applied to universities for that. It was short lived, and I ended up dropping out of uni and going to do voluntary work with Stepping Stones for Families (did a few months with awesome folk working with kids). Life moved on and well children and a job later then I moved back to study.  I chose Computing as that’s what caught me during my work life. Small matter of earnings which I thought was important at that time – kind of was as when computing guy left work it was me who got asked questions and yeah, I was nowhere near the scale this guy was getting paid.  Computing/gaming has always been an interest of mine from when I was a kid (we were the first family in the street to have a Spectrum despite being in a very less affluent area).  This moved through computer games and my younger brother getting consoles to finally me studying at school about it.  So anyway, back to uni I went and lo and behold landed a job – degree then PhD studies – 8 years ago lecturing (3 years into the PhD). I’d like to give the Disney story of happy ever after but yeah got the first job which was only a few hours a week which soon mounted to 2 jobs and more hours. Granted not being full time suited as by this point, I was a single parent to 3 school aged children. At one point I was working 4 different jobs teaching however while this sounds awful gave me experience and one that’s probably a bit rarer as I was able to work in college and university concurrently and so saw the path my college students chose. In one case I ended up teaching students at uni that I had taught at college. While this may sound odd it was a great insight for me and I was able to share that with colleagues from both institutions to help inform progression which I still try to share to this date.

Ok so I have digressed a little (well a lot) why is any of this important. Honestly, I don’t know until you read that statement of “you are too brainy for that type of job” I have my sister-in-law (and her sister) who would strongly disagree on that and I would now as well. Like why would I be too brainy?  How is that even a thing? Sorry, but shaping the future must be THE most important job? I’ve seen what nursery teachers do, it’s not just play, play, play. There’s so much more thought behind what that play is and preparing them for what comes next. It’s not just leave them to it but so much thought and care goes into nurturing your child and well every child in that room.  That goes for all teachers I’m not saying other stage teachers are less important as everyone plays their part in shaping education however nursery teachers are our children’s first interactions with any form of education. I know only too well how important all my girls nursery education was to them – granted they all had varying experience my oldest went when she was 3, middle 2 and youngest 16 months. But it was so important to them all.

 I have only really appreciated how wrong that statement was in the past few years as I have become responsible for students coming through our courses. I would never dream of telling a student that their choice is based on their intellect (how can you fully even judge anyway – every student is unique and has their own interests, so we all don’t get the same version of that student). Some students open up only when they are fully invested in a particular area that really captures them and if its not something you teach then that’s fine you are still part of their journey and still need to ensure they do their best. As an example, I teach 3D modelling to HND Games students and it’s a bit of a marmite thing. For those who love it they are invested and may apply to uni to study 3D work. For those who hate it – they have gained a whole new appreciation of the 3D artists out there and see the bigger picture of how the games development process works. There’s a certain frustration in 3D work that sends students either way. But that doesn’t mean anyone gives up far from it. Those who don’t like it don’t just give up they try their hardest and work on their project but get a sense of relief when it’s handed in and over and done with. However, it at least shapes the understanding of the whole process that all parts (design, art & programming) are needed to create that game – as well as planning and getting things documented. For me what I’m trying to say is no matter what your student wants to study never discourage them. Even if you, yourself have no confidence or knowledge in the subject area your student want’s to pursue then find out more don’t just dismiss it. Did you know even from a young age girls are put off subjects like maths due to teacher confidence in the subject. So yeah ask your local college/university even ask the question on Twitter but don’t just dismiss what your student wants to study as something they can’t do as they are to intelligent for or just because you don’t know. Heck when I was a kid being a games lecturer wasn’t a thing to be fair we did at least have a computer in the P7 class (classic BBC Micro)!!

So today is world mental health day and I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

I’ve been on a bit of a journey the past 2 years now dealing with fixing? making better? working on I don’t really know the best way to describe it but essentially getting my mental health back to a better state as I was suffering from anxiety and depression.

I thought that it would be a quick fix and didn’t quite realise the journey I was about to embark on to get things back on a bit more of an even keel. Oddly enough I was told by a colleague that these things don’t fix themselves overnight and to give myself time to recover. Which I was a bit yeah OK am sure everyone says that, but it can’t really be that way can it and well yes, they were right.

After about 6 months I was making progress and finding different ways to help me cope with my situation. Then boom lockdown happened. This basically inspired me to start blogging about my journey. I’d heard so many folks say oh I’ll go crazy at home etc and for me it was OK, but you maybe don’t understand how having bad mental health can be for you. Its not something you want to have to deal with. However, being at home was a struggle for a lot of us and I shared my own journey to let people know it’s OK to not be OK all the time. I guess part of me before that really didn’t want people outside of my family, close friends and only the people at work who had to know like about 2 or 3 folk), knowing that I was suffering and dealing with this. By telling my story it felt better and made me realise that I was worried about what people would think of me since there can be still a stigma to having problems with your mental health which I needn’t have worried about as I got so much support from those around me it made me realise that it is something that you shouldn’t be ashamed of, and you should talk to people. Lockdown and working from home was difficult for sure, not having that proper routine of being out amongst people and being in front of a class for so long was tough. In a way I at least went into lockdown with strategies in place already to help me whereas I’d say that for those who were affected by it maybe had a more difficult time as it was a lot harder to get help.  Through a mix of everything though I made sure I kept up with the strategies – my favourite being a mindfulness meditation that my super amazing colleague did via teams she was a literal godsend and also using the senses technique where if you are feeling panicked/anxious then you use your senses to find things around you to help ground you. This is useful if you are out and about anywhere and need to try bring yourself round from a panic attack.

Decided to save this post until after mental health week because our mental health is important 24/7.  I get it raises awareness and we are still trying to overcome that stigma COME ON people its 2021 we all have mental health just some folk have better mental health than others and I think that’s where the thinking needs to change.  Mental health is not just being depressed/anxious etc but I guess that’s what we associate it with all the negative things and in reality we need to be looking after it in order to help ourselves.

I’ve been blogging on and off for just around a year now on my own mental health and the issues I’ve faced over the past 18 months. Its been an epic journey and one I could not have done on my own for sure. One thing that spurred me to write this post though was a wee delivery I had last week.

Yup that’s vinyl (old school music for the young un’s) but I bought it because it’s a song that was on my playlist that I used when it was lunchtime at work and I went for my walk. Although still working  from home when I was physically at work I used to go out for walks every lunch time just to clear my head – it helped me when I was most anxious as well just to go for a walk and put my music on.  

I do love my music, though do have a very varied taste and there very much is a song for every occasion yes there is!

However this wee playlist was songs that just chilled me and made me feel better some worked really well with the whole breathing technique for calming down from an anxiety attack (TFC Fallin worked in sync almost with the app on my watch!)

I know how powerful music can be loved being part of the Playlist for Life project where I got to work with schools to help prototype an app for dementia patients.  The pupils did some research into user interfaces and how best to categorise music/songs for patients. It was great though to get the pupils thinking about just how much music can be a big part of life and how little things can evoke certain memories (we all have a song or two that does that for sure).

Have also been learning more about audio in games probably something I’ve taken for granted previously hoping to get our games students working with the music students at college (COVID so far has put a stop to that but we are still hopeful one day to connect our students) given after all we are both creative industries. So its been fab to connect with Wee Studios who yes (Keith Morrision look away now and don’t read – but I’m unashamedly bit of a fan since they produced one of my fave Scottish bands music yup the P & D – Peat and Diesel yes I’m a Peatlemaniac). OK Keith’s way more than P & D,  and hoping to connect him with our students next year as well to look at games audio.