So I finished up work “for the summer” last Friday, seems so empty to say this year. This academic year has been turbulent to say the least for me (and that’s not even including going into lockdown) but I made it through only with support though there is no way on earth I’d have gotten here by myself that’s for sure. Support comes in many forms my daughters are my world and have been amazing this year (2 are adults and one is a teen) but all live with me so have been my immediate rocks though they should not have to but its fair they understand how I am. My mum is my ultimate rock and like all mums knows what’s wrong before you even say it. My family have been so important during this time to me in keeping me going and they know I love them all (since I have about 3 million cousins lol one of those families!). And naturally my friends as well especially my besties. Keeping me going all the time.
It was work I guess that got me into writing this blog at the start of lockdown and to use it as a way of me to tell everyone about my journey with anxiety. It gave me the push to get back into blogging again more regularly. At work I had a super small circle of folk who knew as firstly I didn’t want to be a bother and I just wanted to get on with my work and yeah not ashamed to say totally thought I’d be judged for having anxiety. Was difficult for sure opening up to those few but totally had to be done for my own wellbeing. I absolutely without a doubt love my job 100% teaching is just in me, despite the anxiety I have found my place in the world I know I was meant to be here for this reason. I have always ALWAYS wanted to teach it just took time for me to find my calling as to where and what stage and now I have that dream job. Laugh if you want but its totally true, I had a job before going back to uni and while I met some nice folk through it, it wasn’t the best and just wasn’t me.
Support networks are important and for me have been a total lifesaver, having the support in and out of work makes such a difference and kept me going through both good and bad days. Probably the one question I got asked a lot as well by health professionals was about my support network to ensure I did have folk that knew and were able to be there if I needed them (turns out I can talk an awful lot of nonsense if my anxiety is high – or I’ll go quiet and need to go for a walk). Again its all about getting to know yourself and understanding how you are feeling and looking for what triggers the anxiety and eventually I was able to find strategies to help with some triggers at least. It takes time though and patience is key, I used to get so frustrated with myself when I had a bad day but soon realised theres no point just let it happen and move on.
To my support network I thank you all for being there through this year your being patient & listening & not judging & generally just putting up with me really has made such a difference to me. Might not have been a big deal to you but changed a lot for me.